Thursday, 24 July 2014

BITCH

Bitch (pronounced as bich)
noun
a female dog
or
a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, especially a woman.

Long time ago, before my baby sister was born, we celebrated the holidays. the holidays were awesome, there was feasting,
literal sense of the word, feasting. there was so much food we puked, now i believe i can not puke for any other reason other
than intoxicants. we traveled to my grandmas place almost 2 travel days. everyone made an effort. the gathering was
insane, even those exotic cousins from the states came and made it more interesting with there English. i loved it.
during these times the dog and its puppies enjoyed as much as we did. the dog was part of the family. we did everything together,
i mean she was even included in the family photos:


on the eve of the holidays, nyama choma was in plenty: kuku ngombe mbuzi etcetra etcetra. in this case there was meat
everyday, every course included bits of meat in it, even breakfast. maybe i went too far, breakfast was normal, no meat.


The dog, the mother of next generation puppies, was always around. she was playful, always wagging her tail running from one
corner to another with her puppies and the children(us, we were pretty small too) following her. she was charming, she
identified us from strangers, she could not bring herself to bark at us only play, sometimes she could roll over and her
eyes begged us to tease her. i did, she loved it.



Grandma noticed this and even grew fonder of the bitch. she served her food on plates at the same time with us. we even sat
together during meal times, i personally enjoyed as she ravished with delight on the meat and bones. i loved everything
about the dog.


The holiday aftermath. people slowly started back to their homes. my exotic cousins and co. made their way back to their fancy
estates. the atmosphere was filled with emotional farewells, acceptable at that time, @children. but on one particular
holiday something bizarre happened, on the darkest hour of the night there was fracas at the chicken coops,
pardon my english. it happened the next evening and the next. Grandma got mad and asked our dads how the fuck they could
sleep through a wild cat attack. so the next evening all the men plus the boys armed themselves with simple shamba
tools, panga, simi even slasher and sticks. we waited for hours in the unbelievable cold our teeth clattering against each other
and all that bag of nonsense that come along with the cold. we were almost giving up when we had slow steps from a
bush. then we saw our dog, dad was about to whistle to it when we realized it was heading towards the chicken coops.
that Bitch! we gave her food for over 5 days, consecutively, and that was how it repaid grandma? we waited until it got in
and as it was choosing the fat one we all sprung with our weapons.(it was confusing at first, because it was random and
simultaneous) i could have sworn the bitch had gone to a stealth school because how it evaded us in precision i don't
believe a beast could be that intelligent. it ran away and that was the end of it. i never saw the bitch again. Now now
Children, i know you relate this story to many experiences, only not with a dog.


Thursday, 17 July 2014

Easy Way Out, or is it?!

-By Nadia


So, am seated here staring at the laptop for ages trynna figure out what to write about, and I think to myself, FOOD!!!......so I
head down to go get me a bite to eat.

(Ps. Article not about food). Anyway, while am at that I decide to go through some of my
old notes and crap, yes I am a girl who keeps notes that were passed to me in class for memory purposes. You would never
believe what I bump into…..


I can’t stop laughing at the irony of the situation. Am reading through and am like damn people have issues!! The things people
come up with when they go crazy are mind blowing. Am thinking to myself, how old was she, like 13, 14, I don’t know.
Should I be terrified? Or should I just burst out in laughter?

Confused as I am, I keep on going……Oh! Pardon my ill manners; did I forget to tell u what I am talking about? Well let us keep it
that way. The 1st statement that captures my eyes is ‘’sometimes I wonder how life would be without me’’. This actually
makes me wonder…. If I did not exist, how would life be like for people around me¬? …
This is exactly how it would be; it would suck so bad they would just have to find another me, though I am irreplaceable and it ain’t
my fault, or life would simply go on


So apparently that was not my eye opener. Proceeding with the note, this mysterious genius writes, “Wonderful parents deserve
amazing kids, and not rotten beings like me. I get the worst grades make the most mistakes and above all I am the 1st to be
suspended.”
You know what, this actually gets me a little teary. Don’t get me wrong, am not going all emotional, am actually laughing
so hard it hurts. Getting bad grades and by bad I mean B+’s and A-‘S the , grades some of us celebrated coz they only
come so rare, made this bitch, my bad, made this lady call herself rotten. Am sorry to say, but that’s bull. You wanna know
a bad kid, look at Miley, look at Beiber; I sure as hell don’t regret the fact that I did not sire them. As a matter of fact
I count it a blessing, no offence. And as far as getting suspended is concerned, honey, people live on such memories in
their after future. Dudes who get straight A’s , are the teachers’ pet , did nothing crazy back in high school or whatever
level u get your crazy on, have no life whatsoever.


On with the note… so I am not in the business of sharing all the info but this last line was particularly interesting. “I wanna
die so bad. I want the world to open up and swallow me, but since that is highly unlikely, I will take my own life to make
it quicker I want to reduce the stress for people around me. It might probably even reduce the cost of living and improve
the economy. See God, that would be awesome for everyone.”
Please feel free to share in laughter or sorrow, whichever
floats your boat. Whatever on earth would posses anyone to declare that, I do not know, and frankly, am not planning
to find out.


So apparently some people would commit suicide over very many stupid reasons, I got a bad hair day and my crush saw me; my girlfriend dumped me; my husband has a slut on the side; my boss just fired me; my life sucks! ……… so on and so on. So what love, the situation ain’t changing if u keep complaining or if u die,… u are only allowed to live one day at a time. Make that one day count and stop being greedy, trying to grab them all at once. Simply my point is, don’t be stupid!!!!!.......... So what if u die now, who’s to say it’s better on the other side?

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